Under a cut for sensitive familial discussion.
For the last several days my father has been bedridden and in excruciating pain with pancreatitis or something of that nature. Note that I’ve not actually seen him in this state, only heard his moaning and occasional harried commentary by his wife who, fortunately enough for him, is professionally trained as a nursemaid. Comments from lovers and suddenly interested relatives suggest that without the appropriate medical treatment it’s very likely that he’ll die of this affliction. I am absolutely certain that neither he nor his wife can afford any such extensive treatment; apparently he wasn’t even able to afford more than the briefest period of hospitalization. While I’m not working on a specific plan for my inheritance just yet, it’s naturally something that’s on my mind as well as on the minds of the aforementioned interested relatives including the brother with whom I’ll have to split everything – not that there’s much to be had.
Today is coincidentally the fourth anniversary of my mother’s suicide, and while I don’t believe in karma I also don’t readily accept the orthodox Catholic belief of a wholly benevolent God who would never act out of boredom or caprice. Here I read myself into His caprice, for how dramatically satisfying would it be that a small-minded abuser and rapist who never had anything to offer anyone but the remnant of a good name and even that disgraced – literally as well as figuratively in this case, as he cannot pronounce his own family name correctly – should meet some painful and ignoble end at the same time of year when one of his two greatest victims faced her own death to escape him with proper Créole dignity, cared for only by an Anglo woman who (she says) lives more in fear than in love for him and already with all the family vultures circling and waiting to descend on what little he has left.
(I usually roll my eyes at Tumblr posts that make specific requests of what readers should do or not do with regard to them, but I would appreciate not receiving any condolences or anything of that nature. If it weren’t obvious from my tone here I’m not exactly grieving, and knowing my luck and his I wouldn’t be surprised if he somehow recovered anyway.)